DEAR SANTA

I just broke up with the man I've been with for the past 5 years, with the man I dated for over two years while we were in high school together-- in the late '70's. 

And how super magical it was when he found me again, after us apart for over thirty years...it was like, coming home.
    In our 50's now, we'd often laugh about how I so want us to frolic in a meadow together (metaphorically or literally speaking) and we'd chuckle and say how our frolic muscles have arthritis and hey- where the fuck is a goddamn meadow anyway? 

But as good as he may be, there's this disconnect in him somewhere, like we all have, but I'm his target and I don't deserve that. Oh my god, so I called him up about an hour ago. And I said, I said, "Daryl, we're over. Over. Enjoy your life. Please never call me again." 

Has the bastard called me back????  you know, to 'fight' for us-- hahahahaa  of course not- 

Dear Santa, I feel so scared. For Christmas please give me a tiny bit of peace. 

(I wrote this late last night, I think my heart knew, before my head could accept, and even now, I don't want to let him go- but......I fear HE'S all ready let ME go, so------in essence, I'm just completing his handiwork.) 




To Where You Put Me:

your heart is a locked door

in my desperation to reach you

i knock louder and more 

i wonder just how many

tears do i have,

just how many pieces

can one broken heart produce?

my sadness, paralyzes me

keeps me from moving, 

just

from, moving

my love used to frolic

in every meadow

now

i know it was doing this alone

perhaps in its sleep, dreaming,

smiling

i reprimand any good feelings

and retreat to where you put me

and

it's definitely not

in any fuckin' meadow

juliebuck ©

PEOPLE EVENTUALLY BECOME THEIR BEHAVIORS


"Do I separate the behavior from the person? Yes. I do. Do I necessarily let that person stick around in my life? No, I don’t. I can forgive the person and separate the action and still not choose to have that behaviour repeated around me time and again. People are not their behaviours AND you don’t necessarily need to have the behaviour following you around.
I believe in boundaries. I believe in telling people what behaviours I accept and which ones I don’t. I’m very clear on that. And when they demonstrate an action that doesn’t work for me repeatedly and I’ve communicated my dissatisfaction repeatedly, I cut them loose." 

personal note: and doing this ---(can be) heartbreaking....TO BE CONTINUED VIA MY VIEW

WHAT THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS REALLY MEANS

✝️🕊️The Twelve Days of Christmas was created in England during a time of religious persecution when Catholicism was outlawed in the 16th to 18th centuries.

The song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” was written as a kind of secret catechism that could be sung in public without fear of arrest – a learning or memory aid to Christians in fact.

Each verse refers to a teaching of church doctrine — with the partridge being Christ who died on a tree and the “True Love” being God the Father, who gave us all gifts.

The twelve days of Christmas are the twelve days between Christmas Day, Dec. 25th, the birth of Jesus, and the Epiphany, Jan. 6th, the day Christians celebrate the arrival of the Magi (Wise Men) and the revelation of Christ as the light of the world.

Each element in the song is a code word for religious truth:

1. The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus.

2. The two turtledoves are the Old and New Testaments.

3. Three French hens stand for faith, hope and love.

4. The four calling birds are the four Gospels.

5. The five gold rings recall the Hebrew Torah (Law), or the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament.

6. The six geese a-laying stand for the six days of creation.

7. The seven swans a-swimming represent the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit.

8. The eight maids a-milking are the eight Beatitudes.

9. Nine ladies dancing are the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit.

10. The ten lords a-leaping are the Ten Commandments.

11. Eleven pipers piping represent the eleven faithful Apostles.

12. Twelve drummers drumming symbolize the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles Creed.

Merry Christmas!