Contradictions At My Job

contracdictions...ya gotta luv 'em--if not, tolerate them.

what's with all the ask a differerent person, get a different answer syndrome that i've been encountering on a daily basis lately??? maybe, maybe it's ALWAYS been that way, but, i'm just NOW noticing. if so, then that's just really sad and so unobservant of me. But, i thinketh tis not true. Tis a recent occurence and the "higher ups" just spit out whatever and are oblivious to the repercussions that their answers may have on other people. When confronted that they may be wrong, they get sooo overly defensive and turn the tables on me and accuse ME of being confrontational and unyielding and unwilling to take and to belive their bullshit at face level. uhhh excuse me but...  i beg to differ... and there you go! i am suddenly the problematic child and am no longer worthy of their time--no matter how gentle i beg to differ and suggest that perhaps this is wrong-NO MATTER. I am now in- their ignorant minds- blacklisted and i enlist warning signs in their souls to sound the alarm that this girl actually has a mind capable of forming her own thoughts and i'm fucked now but i'm gonna stick to my guns albeit wrong and make her eat dirt and feel like shit for daring to question my infallibility. No one is infallible. and if their answers would simply honestly be: jeez i'm just not sure but i can look into it... wow THAT i could accept and respect. but to not back down despite i now have other peers here and/or written proof concurring with me that they-the answer givers- are wrong...just makes me marvel...and not in a good way. i am not here to challenge. just simply here to get some correct information. knowledge is power. and since i must conform to your rules, i NEED TO KNOW the correct procedure--NOT  just the YOU  THINK  this is the correct procedure. FOR ALL THAT IS  HOLY, PLEASE I BEG YOU, TELL ME THE ACTUAL PROCEDURE-- that's really not asking for a whole lot. you should applaud me for even caring. but no.. i get ousted, in a quiet fashion mind you, but outsted nonetheless. it is okay to not know the answers. i'm cool with that. i ONLY ask you, because you are the one who SHOULD KNOW. how sad is this...if i dare go over your head and ask for a second opinion   whoa baby  to dare to ask u to ask someone else to confirm what u r saying is correct...how dare me!!! and i almost wnt to and sometimes even do apologize... but, i believe u r wrong, please assisit. what's ironic is: u r not held accoutable for giving me the wrong information--ONLY I AM AFFECTED and i sometimes have to pay a heavy toll for that, for following incorrect info. irony sucks. sucks for me. who are you accountable to, i wonder???? why cannot we ever be on the same page? i mean, i follow the rules, and ask for directions if i get lost or if procedures have changed, so why cannot u tell me the correct way??? afterall, THAT IS your function...so DO IT RIGHT or don't do it at all,and don't let me fry at my expense, and let me drown alone. i want to so bring u down w/me. u remain safe. i hate u for that. never justice or closure. i grow bitter and less interested in performing to the best i know i can do...because of people like you who hav the power but share it wrongly. only i am the scapegoat. and only i know the truth of what happened. but my misinformed "friend"--YOU know it too and YOU too will suffer, as karma is real and that sucks for you. aint life a bitch? or, is that just you????
i'll choose the latter....
march 2008