THAT, plus i ate a whole pizza all by myself today---what can i say ? maybe i'm NOT a fraud (hypocrite) cuz i sure forgave myself for that one!!! this pizza "confession" may sound funny but it's true--hmmmm...... at first i felt a tad what? the whole thing? did i really just scarf that whole pizza? yeah, but, i was full halfway- - no matter!- shove shove shove it all in, i did, and i felt almost NO guilt at all. baby steps, huh.. I'm learning ... tonight the whole pizza -- tomorrow, TWO pizzas AND the cinnamon sticks-- hey its GOOD to have a goal...much to the contrary of the guy who said to me the other day (you know, the don't worry guy)- he also said: don't plan- as god will provide. i asked : but doesn't god help those who help themselves? he replied: true sure but still no need to plan because things have a way of working themselves out. i replied: but isnt that just playing ostrich and hoping for the best? no he said -then I said: ok. so, let me understand-- NOT to plan is ok and it's ok living in the denial mode?- see? i was all ready and quickly beginning to adapt to this way of thinking and believing (i'm nothing if not flexible..) i said to myself:: yeah yeah why plan ? i may die today and tomorrow or next year won't even matter...is that the way to look at things? or-- is that morbid, or,-- just good sense ?or irresponsible? or the chill way ? answer: all of the above - the moral may REALLY be--- just don't worry -- whether you are a planner or not -- wow so many choices yet feeling so trapped at the same time ! do i appreciate anythng? most definitely!!!!!!!.... perhaps just not myself...
does life betray us or do we betray life? if it's the latter then isn't it one in the same as WE ARE OUR LIFE AND OUR LIVES ARE US..???
i wish i had a faggoty glass of or wine or two....
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