Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Toast/Roast to MY Family (Thanksgiving 2008)

Wade on into this Holiday Affair-
One might ask: do we even dare?
Let's start with the obvious-
Lane, that is you.
You dislike turkey,
Yes, that is true.
But! you do like us,
Here, sharing your day
In your home with a TV
Which football displays.
No matter the game,
You tell yourself strongly-
Tis better to love
Than to choose your ways wrongly.
So you chew on your burger
And your slightly cold fries
Thinking of nothing to speak of
Save for the crowds halftime cries.
As a brother in law, you'll do-
Tho you are a bit strange.
You mostly accept me...
But at a safe distant range.
All joking aside-
You, too, always come through.
Just hold onto that credit card
Should I need you!

And then we have Kelsey...
The cutest of all-
Not just my niece
But a hot mama doll!!
She's not really so cocky
As to think she's all that-
In fact she still fears
Her long gone Baby Fat
What worries Kel,
And ssshhh, this is dear-
To know Kelsey's worry is
To know Kelsey's tear..
Fifteen is an age
As tender as veal.
Kel's not just a sweetie-
She's also for real.
Stay real, my dear gal,
And your life will unfold
Into everything all
That you choose to mold.
Kel's not much of a fretter
But to be sure she does think
And she laughs and she cries
And she also loves pink!
She's social and active
And interacts with her friends.
Kelsey is a girl
Who seldom pretends.
Go get'em, Kelsey-and
With  a gusto inhale
All of Lifes' magic
About to unveil!

But now off to Gruff Gramps-
Oh gruff, my butt!!
Gramps is not gruff-
He's just a nut,
With a tad streak of mean
But not even that...
To be sure he is stubborn
And as sly as a cat
With sharp claws to match
Should you choose to engage.
Inside he's a softie
With a tad bit of rage.
His smile is impish
To say the least-
But his love for us reigns over
His inner beast.
And on him we know
That we all can depend,
For his loyalty towards us
He will always defend.
For that, I so love you
And only good things i wish
For you to encounter-
So get out and fish!!

Next is my nephew-
Austin's his name,
And from birth til now
He's looked the same.
His personna is boyscout.
His spirit spells shy-
But don't be surprised,
For this boy will fly!
At the present his purr is
Not quite a roar,
But mark my words-
His future will soar!
He is patient and caring.
He holds his own thoughts-
He laughs at my jokes
About having the trots.
Austin's my helper-
Always has been.
Even buying my underwear
He submits and goes in.
So thanks my neat newphew
For doing my bidding-
And for accepting me wholly
And all of my kidding!

And then there is John
My oldest, firstborn
Who chose such cold weather-
Over  this hot weather he scorns.
Tho he is not here
On Thanksgiving day
I think of him often
In "cheesy" PA
Where mozzarrela ranks high
As that states' fav choice food-
But John's taste buds crave Mexican
As that's often his mood.
But no tacos there-
It's just cheese and gringos-
How did he get stuck in
The sticks, Pocanos?
Well, John, we miss ya
And want your butt home!
Seems your path led you else where-
As young men often roam.
Keep on keeping the peace
At Fernwood Resort
And we'll keep eatin' them
Tacos on homemade flour torts.
Remember our tamles
And how you loved those?
Well, taste with you memory
And smell with your nose.
I loathe you resist
Moving back to this state.
Life has a cruel way of
Choosing our fate.
Stay well and be happy
And remember us here,
Holding your heart
In our own, very dear.
Last, know we love you
And your precious new fam-
But I STILL want you HERE-
Cuz I am who I am.

And then there's my sis-
The glue of us all,
The good one, the cook,
Always there when we fall.
Girl, dontcha wonder of
Our limited worth???
Are we truly deserving of
Your goodness and mirth??
Of course, "yes" you would say
Because that is your style.
I am comforted by you and
Your beautiful smile.
In spite of us Crazies,
Your family, us slobs,
You never stop working
So hard at your jobs.
You endure us and tolerate
All of our bull.
You never do judge.
You play by the rules.
I wish I could give you
The stars and the moon-
To say that i love you is
Never too soon!

Now let's talk James-
My youngest son,
With so many emotions
He could never outrun.
He likes to stay neutral in
This family of ours
Because indeed as they say
Men are from Mars.
Not to say he's opinion-less
As THAT he is not!
He just refuses to venture
Into uncomfortable spots.
James, the debator, is
As stubborn as Gramps.
But tenaciousness brews
Many a champ.
And James is a seeker-
He will find his bright niche,
Depsite of his upbringing
With his mom, ie: bitch.
James, you are special, and
More smart than you know-
Don't let your fears stop you-
Just go go go!
Sure, you'll meet walls, and
You'll want to quit.
It's harder to stand
When you want to sit.
I'm aware of your dreams
Which we'll now call your plans
Cuz dreams are just fantasies...
Goals make the man.

Alas I must say
I'm not the B-word.
I just overanalyze
Everything I've since heard.
That does get annoying-
I've been said to stir poo-
But c'mon my dear fam-
My sincerity is true.
I often get weepy and
Needy and blah,
But I also bring cheer
And many a HA.
Okay, sure, one Christmas
I made you all leave
But I DID call you back
With my heart on my sleeve.
So cut me a break and
Keep me around.
So what if my squawking is
A piercing shrill sound?
I'm funny and loud:
Sarcasm with flair.
But yall know with a certainty that
I really do care.
I saved mom for last
Because she is the best.
On her spiritual strength
I often rest.
Mom, I have learned
So much from you.
Your colors are endless.
Your devotion so true.
But all that is trite.
Let's get right to the point.
You are the core.
You run this joint.
Not self-appointed,
So don't get me wrong-
Out of respect we employ you
Because you are strong.
I know you'll deny this and
Say "no" you feel drained,
And that is okay-
We, too, feel the strain
And we do also offer
Our shoulders to you
For whenever you're tired
Or simply feel blue.
I  marvel at how
You give us your love.....
You are my mother, the mom
 I will NEVER let go of.

To bottom it out-
This is the family we are.
Like it or not,
We've come pretty far,
And I'm proud of this family.
I'm beaming. I am,
So close the door gently-
WHOOPS-it's a slam!

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