CHRISTMAS

     What's happened to Christmas??? It just feels, different somehow....is it because my two sons are now all grown up? or has a part of me disappeared? I know that Christmas signifies the birth of our Saviour---but perhaps Christmas is not so much a date as it is a FEELING--one of hope and new beginnings, of peace in the re-establishing of our relaltionship with God and even with ourselves, our family, our earthly fellow man. That being said---i still somehow just feel...different. Again, the miracle and glory of the Lord Jesus--i get that, and i even feel that, but...i just want to somehow recapture how i once felt! i just want to see it through the wondrous eyes of the innocent--to feel it how a small child must feel it--with eager anticipation, delicious giggles and tingly chills, with warm safe surroundings oblivious of the world's danger; each moment almost agony awaiting The Big Day; the open display of overwhelming awe and unquestioning belief in the sheer magic of this season...! the cheerful Christmas carols, the brilliant colorful lights on neighboring houses, the shy gazing upon the intriguing nativity set under our tree, the ease of tender faith, the security of parental laughter, the familiar smells of tantalizing homemade mom cooking, the snuggling under the cozy covers in the bed shared with my sister, the promise of only good, the trust in Life's grand gifts, the pride in decorating our piney Christmas tree, the sweet thrill of opening my sleepy eyes in the early dawn--knowing that the time has finally come!
     And yes, granted, these are all brief felt childhood feelings towards Santa Claus and Rudolph and of Toys Galore--but! all I want for Christmas is to transfer these same intense joy-filled emotions to the person i am NOW and re-direct them to my own understanding of this blessed day called Christmas---to accept that even though much time has passed and many things have and will continue to change--that i can still always rely on these same feelings to be there, defining me, comforting me, and embracing me in the arms of our Lord.
     So what's happened to Christmas, i ask.
     Well, it's STILL there, asleep in the child inside us all, contently residing in the archives of our minds and in the memories our hearts have instinctively known to protect--ready to re-visit each and every one of us simply upon our request. The awe is still there, as we gather together as family; the tingly chills (though maybe slightly now more subdued) are still there, as our shared love is indeed a year round gift, and our time here but a thank you note; the security is still there, as God our Father keeps us safe in His unfailing plans for us; and the magic is still there, as every breath we take tells us so! Please bless us all!