A Piece Of The Pie

GIVING UP?  
i can do that. done it before. can do it again.
no shame there. do not judge me  you arrogant do-gooder. if i quit, so what. been a long time coming. proud i held out as long as i did-why can't you see that? quitting does not a loser make. it's never TRYING  at all...and even then, there are exceptions. no losers here in buck land. just hope and faith and thoughts and ideas...not dreams or fantasies mind you, for i do live in the real world BUT i must say that dreams and fantasisies DO play an important fuction in the spirit of man. I'm still a play by the rules gal...tho  am a schemer and hav been known to BEND the "rules" so to speak on more than one occasion...but overall, i want realism. solid ground. not wisps of what may or could be... those feelings ARE NICE but seldom get the job done. trust me, i hate being a rule follower...i soooo want to be a fantasy girl...truly i do.  no pressure there, just oblivious trust that things will work out.unfortunatetely i'm cursed with a thinking brain and a smart one at that- if ya dont mind a bit of tooting my own cerebreal horn..
fuckin thinkin' is so overrated.

just let me be.life you wonderful ironic joyous pain in the ass, why cannot you let me just be??? so many demands and obligations and responsibilities and crap that truly i could just puke right now. if ignorance IS  bliss...then is knowledge...what? not bliss??? weeelll there u go..i'm not bliss.  i want to be bliss. blissss bllisss blllisss  elusivie fuckin bliss  piss on bliss.

life made me have a personna that cannot dismiss certain truths and that's cool ok i'm cool with that; i can deal with that. but let me dissect this pie of life and deal with one slice at a time. ok??? no ala mode. just one slice. please.  please. give me the chance to digest this slice and feel secure enough to go onto the next, ok?!! you pie giving mother fucker. anyway, i'm really a "i want the cake and eat it too" kind a person.  (which for the life of me, i've never been able to figure out why it is so wrong to feel that way...i mean, what the hell is WRONG about me wanting to actually eat the cake that i have??) afterall, i've had MORE than my share of eating that humble pie i can tell you that right now!

how could I have been so blind for so long??

I'm a cake girl. 
Not a pie girl!